Skinny Love
by hypnotizedoyster
Summary: One year, twenty-four weeks and three days was when he began to linger in my thoughts. Before long, he stole my heart unknowingly. One year, twenty-four weeks and three days and he hadn't looked my way once. Kim/Jared.
1. Translucent

**SKINNY LOVE**

_ when two people love each other but are too shy to admit it but they still show it._

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><p>I sigh, brushing the stray yet soaking strands of hair off my face as I hurry to my seat. I was late; thankfully Mr. Miller, my History teacher, was yet to arrive. I silently thanked his knack of always being furiously unorganized, even more so than me.<p>

Eyes down - don't look.

But I couldn't help it, of course. Jared Cameron. I let my eyes swiftly brush over him; the muscles, the russet skin, the simply ruffled, messy hair that hadn't been touched. My eyes were down again. He laughed with his friends, torso twisted around as he chatted loudly to them, eyes glistening in excitement as he did so. I slid in the chair next to him, truly grateful for seating plans since the beginning of this year, unnoticed. Jared didn't acknowledge me.

He never did.

I feel the rain rolling off my wet hair streak down my face and I wipe it off, glad for the distraction. Mr. Miller arrives with papers in his arm and looking very flushed, and I pull out my notebook, carefully hiding the doodles of 'Kim Cameron' while doing so.

Time passes painfully. I don't get called on, I never do – I secretly think it's because teachers forget my name. I don't blame them; I was agonizingly plain – wispy thin hair – black of course, - with the same russet skin that didn't seem to shine like anybody else's, with a too-wide face and eyes too small I could never be beautiful, let alone pretty. I was boring. I blended.

I peaked at Jared out of the corner of my eye and I felt a violent blow to my heart. His chair was pushed away, as far as it would go, to the other side of the desk, as though he'd rather be sitting anywhere else but next to me. I saw him smile at Cecilia Mawik, and she flashed him one back; her long shiny curls cascading down her back, big chocolate brown eyes flirtatious. Confident. Easy. Beautiful.

I bit my lip as hard as I could, feeling the blood on my tongue, the bell rings and Jared is the first out of the class. I watch his receding figure leave, but the image lingers.

"Miss, ah…" I see Mr. Miller shuffling through his papers. Looking for the seating plan, "Kim? Are you alright?"

I vaguely notice I'm the only one left in the class.

I nod and gather my things.

Time passes quickly doesn't it? I let the rain soak me as I walk outside, the halls eerily empty. One year, twenty-four weeks and three days was the moment my head was first filled with Jared and nothing but.

He hadn't looked my way once.

One year, twenty-four weeks and three days.

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><p><em>Author's Note: So, hello there. I always love a good KimJared fanfic but the ones I read were all really the same. So begins the world seen through painfully shy Kim's eyes. _


	2. Smaller Steps

_Author's Note: Yeah whatever, quick to update - i already had this chapter written. I'd love to know what anybody thinks, presuming somebody actually reads this. Well anyway, have fun imaginary readers. _

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><p>One step. Two steps. Three steps. Four.<p>

"Kim." Suri murmurs softly, touching my elbow in a comforting way

My eyes flicker from the table, _his_ table, to her face.

"How about we sit somewhere else today?" She suggests, "Somewhere you can't notice… him."

My eyes flicker back. Jared and Cecilia were sitting next to each other, an unusual occurrence. Until now. She was crammed between Jared and Paul Lahote, another local boy who was just as muscular as Jared, yet somehow angrier than the other boys. Always angry.

Cecilia was close to Jared, their bodies pressed together, she was whispering in his ear. Arm snaked around his neck.

I looked away from the table, my voice flat, "That sounds… better."

I had known Suri since I was five, and we had been best friends since. We were too alike, both blending, both soft, unbearably shy yet comfortable with each other and the companionship the other provided. We found an empty table, close to the bins, but far away. Unable to see. Unable to hurt.

Suri looked at me kindly, "I know Kim. It's hard sitting next to him everyday, but you need to try and _move__on_."

I didn't like the way she said move on, Suri made it seem simple and I guess it was for someone like her. Someone who knew to forget the things that hurt them. I hated myself for it – being laughably weak and breakable, being the annoying one who drowns in a whirlpool of doubt and pain and dizzy feelings for a boy. A boy that means so much when you mean so little.

"I'm sorry," I said forcing an almost passable smile, "I'm fine, really. How has your day been so far?"

I tried to pay attention, I really did, as she mumbled about her homework load and being called on in class, but I found my mind drifting, drifting to him. The bell rang and I jumped, the charade up. I watched Suri look down and sigh, her glasses slipping down her nose. I bit my lip guiltily, I wanted to comfort her, say I was sorry. I wanted to be a fun friend she'd laugh around, not just someone to hang out with out of habit.

She got up, placing her Chemistry book in her bag, "I'll wait for you by your car, okay?"

I nodded, watching her leave before I headed for History, stomach twisting into a knot.

A routine. I would walk into class, head down; yet manage to steal a glance. Of him. Of her. By his desk, lightly touching his arm with her fluttering fingers. My eyelashes would flutter in synchronization. Blink back the tears. Attempt to concentrate yet really watch him from the corner of my eye, only seeing him never looking back. He would leave, I would watch, I would go.

I would then meet Suri with a smile, drive her home. Then reach my crumbling house, ignore the peeling paint and broken gutter, do my homework, clean the house and fall into a hazy yet welcomed sleep.

Sleep, sleep forever – never wake up. I willed for it, sleep is the kingdom where the only lies are from me, to me. Lies embedded with the promise of never waking up, the promise of staying in my dreams with him, but then I do. I can't ever go back to my dreams when I awake, yet I try to before I twist and turn. Twist and turn into reality, a true nightmare.

But then, Jared didn't come to school.

I counted the days, in my head then on my fingers and then in my head again. Too many – twenty-one days. He was gone for three weeks and that was three weeks too many. It was on a Wednesday. The hump of the week, usually, too close to Monday and too far away from Friday. I used to hate Wednesdays.

He walked into History later than usual, I would have known if my head weren't face down on the desk.

"Excuse me," A soft, polite voice asked, "Do you have a spare pen?"

I felt my heart leap into my throat; my entire body burn with surprise. I slowly raised my eyes to his, breathing unsteady. It happened like that, the feeling as though the Earth had shifted, my entire world spinning. Our eyes met in a swirl of hazel and brown. I watched his eyes widen in longing, realization and what appeared to be…adoration? His mouth dropped.

My heart beat.

Faster. Faster.

"Y-You," He breathed, eyes still wide, creating a crease in his forehead

I flushed, finally looking away. To the floor, to my empty page in front of me, to anything but his searching gaze. I didn't want him to _see_me.

I heard him gulp some air, attempting to say something, "You- I… Who are you?"

And then I plummeted.


	3. I Like Brown

_Author's Note: I was so very happy to see quite a few reviews, you guys made my week, seriously. And also sped up the writing of chapter three. So anyway i'm writing this AN very quickly as i need to go to school soon - ugh school, i go on summer holidays (I'm in Australia) in about two weeks and seeing as i have no social life, i'm hoping the finish this story :)  
><em>

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><p>The girl who wasn't seen. I frowned, although I should have expected it. My daydreams had run ahead of me, leaving a swirling mist of unrealistic above my head – Jared holding my hand, lightly running a finger across my jaw. Jared kissing me. But the mist remained unrealistic.<p>

"Kim," I muttered, eyes still down to hide the flutter of hurt, the flash of embarrassment, "My name is Kim."

There was a silence and I was too afraid to look up.

"You're beautiful," He breathed

The lunch in my stomach threatened to rise as the gears whizzed in my head. He wasn't serious. It was a joke, a bet, a trick – it was anything but real. It couldn't be real! He sat next to me for over a year, merely inches apart, neither of us ever speaking. Why would he suddenly notice me now? Impossible.

I sighed, angling myself away from him, "Please don't." My words came out in a murmur, "If this is a joke or a bet-"

"What?" His voice sounded just as confused as my head, I couldn't help but look up. His eyes washed over me – seas of brown with a hint of green blinked back at me, widening as my plain brown eyes connected with his.

"You have pretty eyes." He sighed sounding like the lovesick teenage girl I had watched in multiple teenage rom-coms

I repressed a shocked laugh, "They're brown." And not even a rich chocolate brown, or a warm brown. Just a dull brown.

"I like brown."

_I like you._

"Um," I bit my lip, screwing my face up in concentration, which was obviously going to be quite unattractive, "Thanks, I guess."

His face softened and a very dopey smile spread across his face. I surprised myself by giggling, something that I've never done. But then again, I've never really had much to giggle at.

I swiftly turned to the front of the room, eyes wide – looking anywhere but him, and cheeks flaming red. His face didn't turn away from me making me suddenly feel self-conscious. I let my arms slide around my torso – holding myself in, like as though the seams were beginning to split and my insides were pouring out – exposing me.

We remained like this for the rest of the lesson and unfocused, unabsorbed… in the lecture at least. When the bell rang Jared stayed behind, he jumped slightly but then proceeded to gather my books to my surprise.

"Er- no," I began, "It's okay, um, I've got it." Before sliding my books into my bag and rushing out of the room.

He followed.

"C-Can I give you a ride home?" He asked, reminding me of a puppy as he trailed along behind

"No," I shook my head fiercely, "I have a car, but ah- thanks anyway."

I picked up the pace, yet he continued to follow. My foot caught on something and I stumbled, books and pages slipping from my grasp as I hurdled towards to ground. Jared caught me, steadying me, inspecting if I was hurt before he breathing a sigh of relief and whispering, "Bambi."

I flushed red before facing him, his eyes sparkling, "What did you call me?"

"Bambi," He said, a woozy smile spreading across his face, "You walk like you've never done it before."

I let out a small "Humph" sound before making my way to my car, Suri leaning against the side – mouth hanging open as she watched Jared and I drawing closer.

'Hello Suri." I mumbled jerking my door open quickly

"Kim wait!" Jared cried holding onto my heap of junk car, "Please? Can I come over to your house? Do you want to come over to mine?"

I turned to Suri, my mouth popping open, brows furrowed, "Er, I don't um…"

Suri leaned across the car, looking at Jared directly in the eyes, "I don't think that would be best, Jared."

She pulled my door closed before hissing, "Jesus Christ, just drive."

I didn't have to be told twice. I reversed the car and drove out of the car park, wishing that I hadn't looked at Jared's hurt face before I turned the corner. The trip was silent, Suri and I both in shock, unable to say something intelligent or provide an explanation. I pulled the car into her driveway and cut the engine before turning to her.

"What the hell just happened?" She spoke calmly but I could sense the hysteria in her voice

I shook my head slowly, "He just walked into class, looked at me and… and he just I dunno, began to follow me." I gave a weak shrug to match the pathetic but only explanation.

She furrowed her eyebrows, appearing thoughtful, which made me sigh. I knew we had to think about it – why would Jared talk to me, let alone follow me around? I attempted to make my thudding heart slow, push away all the wishful thinking. Push away him.

"Just," She looked down biting her lip as she climbed out of the car, "Don't get hurt. Okay?"

Don't get hurt, don't take risks.

I would be okay.


	4. Juxtaposition

_Author's Note: This is... shamefully short. I'm sorry, it's more of a filler chapter to be honest - but the next chapter has a bit more 'zest.' I hope. But you know, this chapter is here because you guys are actually with all the reviews and i felt as though i needed to kick myself into writing another chapter. Even if it's short and boring and ugh, jeez i'm so sorry. _

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><p>I nearly had a heart attack as I pulled into my driveway, already finding someone there.<p>

"Jared?" I asked, voice hysterical as I slammed my door shut

He perked up when I spoke his name, eyes lightening, "Kim! Welcome home!"

I blinked, jaw slack, taking in Jared with all his attractive features in juxtaposition with my crumbly little house my mother could barely afford to keep. I felt blood pooling in my cheeks and my head spinning, wondering if he was going to throw the sympathy card like everyone else who got a whiff of my mum's and my "situation" as they called it.

A single mother, abandoned by the young, handsome man she married – the one who left her.

And her child.

Alone and unsupported.

I raked in a deep breath and shook my head at him, "Why are you here? How did you find, um, where I live?"

The books tightened to my chest as I clutched them, teeth sinking into my lip. He simply laughed. At my question or at me? I wasn't sure.

"School records of course," I grinned but then let out a girlish sigh as he watched me, "I just couldn't get you out of my head, Bambi."

My eyes flashed dangerously at the nickname, "Isn't that illegal?"

"Nothing can stop love."

I let out a small involuntary squeak as I began to rush past him, hoping he'd get the hint. My footsteps quickened as I passed him, key ready to jam into the lock, when he was suddenly behind me as I fumbled with the door handle, "Can I come in?"

I spun around, back now pressed against the door. I quickly shook my head, eyes wide. Even if the situation wasn't totally and utterly absurd and illusory, he still would have stayed on that side of the door – dishes from this morning were a mountain on the counter. I also felt my mind flicker to the fresh unfolded laundry on the table, my underwear on top of the pile.

"Oh," His face fell and I felt my heart tug, 'I see."

I was silent. He sighed, not moving, shoving his hands in his pockets and kicking the dirt up, as though he wanted me to change my mind. I slipped inside, loudly and pointedly locking the door behind me. I walked two steps

towards the couch before collapsing on it, from exhaustion or disbelief, I didn't know.

"He was at your house?" Suri cried, her face falling into her palms

I looked down and then across the cafeteria to Jared who was still looking at me with a hopeful smile, "Yes." I groaned

"Not good." She sighed twirling her fork in her home-made pasta, "He's obviously taking this joke or bet too seriously."

I felt my heart sink, confirming the nagging theory that had seemed to wedge itself into my thoughts ever few minutes. A joke, of course. But it seemed harsh coming out of Suri's mouth.

She began to grumbled, "Don't look so disheartened Kim. No offence but it's obvious that Jared wouldn't go for a girl like you – come on, he had Cecilia Mawik hanging off his arm the other day but now you have his undivided attention? I don't think so!"

My eyes burned and I looked down to the table, looking for non-existent patterns to distract me, "Yeah," I said flatly, "I guess you're right."

Of course she was right. But best and only friends are supposed to give some encouragement while leading a girlfriend away from a boy. Suri was blunt, Suri was bitter. Suri was right.

I looked up at Jared from under my eyelashes, hoping he wouldn't see, but I struggled to not let a gasp slip as he waved at me, his face aglow, from his table on the other side of the room. To my horror I giggled at the dimwitted but large grin on his face, which made it spread even further.

Suri whipped around suspiciously and, to my misfortune, spotted him.

"Kim!" She half hissed, half gasped, as though she had walked in on Jared and I doing unspeakable acts, not simply waving and giggling. She pinched the bridge of her nose, as though she was an elderly woman, not my teenage friend.

"That's it," She sighed, "I'm coming to your house after school. He needs a talking to."

Fear and irritation mingled together in my stomach, making it feel uneasy. I know she was doing it because she cared but sometimes I wish people wouldn't care.


	5. Mist

_Author's Note: Aw, you guys are so sweet with your reviews, even if it's just a few words - i'm so grateful. Also_ **nggl** _mentioned that I switched from present tense to past in the last chapter, so sorry about that. I have a habit of forgetting things... __Also, this chapter is longer with so much tension omgomg, okay go. _

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><p>Caught up in the throng of school children wanting to get home, I made my way to the car park slowly. Hoping what Suri said wasn't so, I didn't want her to interfere, no matter how weird Jared was being, but true to her word I found her leaning against me car, facial expression torn between anger and suspicion. I resisted a sigh.<p>

"So you're really doing this?" I asked, throwing my bag in the backseat

She slid in the car, "Listen Kim, he just needs to understand that what he is doing is weird and creepy, and of course, not very nice."

I started the car, trying my hardest not to yell at her. Deep breathes.

We sat in silence as La Push became a wet blur around us, I almost longingly looked at Suri's house as we passed it without slowing. We hurdled towards my house.

I didn't know why her confronting Jared was such a big deal to me. I agreed with her about it being creepy and about it being a joke, but it didn't seem fair for Jared to face Suri's wrath – I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I had been on the receiving end too many times before.

I peeked at her from the corner of my eyes; she still had that strange sour look on her face. As though she had just swallowed a lemon. My brows furrowed when we turned onto my street and then into my driveway, Jared was sitting on my fence, face turned upwards towards the raining sky, that dopey smile on his face.

I resisted the urge to laugh, it was, indeed, frightfully strange, but the expression on his face was priceless. I glanced at Suri to see her face screwed up, disgusted.

She launched herself out of my car, not bothering to close the door, and I leaped out following behind her a little scared of what she was going to do.

Jared looked into our direction, his dopey grin changing to a large ear-to-ear smile, "Kim!" He cried before jumping down from the fence, arms open as though he was prepared for embrace.

"Listen freak," She hissed and I cringed, "I don't know why you hang out here after school but it's weird and pathetic and cruel – Kim liked you for so long-" My head dropped into my hands, "and you never gave her the time of day, not once. You-"

Jared cut her off then, "You liked me Kim?"

His voice was so full of hope, adoration and each syllable clung to happiness, pure and utter happiness. My stomach lurched, horrified that he now knew.

"Suri!" I cried, distraught, "Why did you tell him?"

She put out a hand to silence me, still glaring at Jared, "You better leave her alone, Cameron-" She spat his last name, "I swear you stalking freak, what you're doing is weird and unpleasant. I don't know what kind of lame bet you have with your friends," His face screwed up in confusion, "But I want you to leave her alone. You wont touch her, whatever you do."

His face fell, hands dangling limply by his side. His eyes looked torn with pain and hurt, his face purely crumpled in sadness and rejection. I heard him take a gulp of air, his body trembling slightly, he stayed like that – shaking and raking air in for his lungs – for a long time. I stood numbly in the silence.

After a while he stopped shaking and simply nodded, "So… Kim, you don't want me?"

Suri snorted, "Of co-"

He flashed a glare at her, teeth grinding, "I asked Kim."

Jared turned back to me, face softening completely, that same adoring look glistening in his eyes. I felt my heart dissolve, he was so breathtaking. And I know that made me sound vain but it was the look in his eyes that made me crumble completely.

"I do," I whispered, not looking at Suri's seething glare or Jared's hopeful stare, "I do but I have for a long time, I won't deny that. I-I just find it hard to believe that you won't even remotely feel… the same. What's going on is weird and crazy and I just don't think that… that this could be real."

It was probably the longest thing I had ever said to Jared but even I could hear the cracks of uncertainty in what I was saying. I was right, it was impossible.

I slowly raised my eyes to Jared. He melted at my gaze, "Kim-" He began gently, taking a step towards me.

"Come any closer and you lose an arm." Suri hissed

"Kim," He repeated ignoring her, "I don't care how long it takes for you to believe me but I'll wait. I'll wait until forever if I have to."

A groan came from Suri, "Get lost, Jared. Leave. Now!"

He flinched at her words but didn't argue. Jared left silently, walking into the mist of rain.

I spun towards Suri, and that's just how I felt – spinning, spinning I knew it was only a matter of time until I would fall.

"Why did you do that?" I cried throwing my hands up to my head, gripping my skull wishing the spinning would stop

Suri rolled her eyes, "Kimmy, please. That boy is trouble, what he's doing is only going to hurt you. I helped you."

"I know you were just trying to be a good friend, Suri," I whimpered, "But some of the things you said were awful and hurtful."

He let out a loud cry, throwing her hands up in exasperation, "So? He's ignored you since forever. Why, just why is he paying so much attention to you now, huh? You answer that!"

"I don't know!" I yelled before lowing my voice, "I don't know, Suri. But there are a lot of things I don't know, but I do know that you should treat people how you want to be treated. Did you see his face? He looked so upset…"

"Oh please," She rolled her eyes, voice amplifying steadily, "You think I'd prefer that he was upset rather than you?"

I felt like crying but yelling but running all at the same time. I took a shuddering breath, "Use my car. Go home Suri, I'll get it back tomorrow. I think it would be best if you were to make other arrangements for transport." My voice was flat, controlled.

I walked towards my door, all aware that she was following, spouting out excuses and accusations. I closed the door without looking back. Of course, due to her persistent nature, she thumped on the door loudly without pausing. It reminded me of a book my mum used to read to me – The Three Little Pigs. The wolf would huff and puff until the house was blown down, Suri was the wolf. I was the pig, the prey rather than the predator.

Without thinking or stopping, I walked over to the back door and let myself out. Just a few steps and I was in the woods heaving and fuming at the argument. I stumbled over loose roots and fallen trees and jagged rocks that littered the forest floor. I kicked plants and bushes out of my way, the anger spilling over. The sky was a dim twilight before I realized that I was alone. That I didn't know where I was.

Alone and lost.

Something howled painfully in the distance.


	6. Some Nights a Dreamer

_Author's Note: _Another _short chapter? Er, well yeah. But i already have the one after this written too. "Congratulations, you have no social life." Anyway, i'm fairly tired after writing and reading all day - exhausting business, i know. Next chapter up tomorrow? _

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><p>I slumped down on a slightly rotted log. Elbows on knees, face cupped in my hands. I let angry tears spill over, momentarily appreciative for the solitude, despite the damp layer over everything soaking through my jeans. Only momentarily though.<p>

I had never been particularly stupid – in calculus, sure – but when it came to real life situations I was usually level headed, calm. I wiped away the tears and looked around the forest. Dense and forever green, rain clung to leaves and ferns almost seemed as though they tangled around my legs. I shivered and pulled myself closer; the icy air pierced my lungs.

Of course, just leave it up to me to get totally and completely lost on an achingly cold and wet day while the sun barely lingered in the horizon – it was beginning to get dark. I racked my scattered brain for some indicator of the way I came from but found nothing.

"Come on Kim," I half whispered, feeling a bit stupid, "Just try to find home."

I walked through the thick forest, taking care not to trip, as I watched my surroundings, panic filling me as the forest began to get thicker and thicker until it was a struggle to even find a spot of mud on the ground – it was too covered by green.

I shook, unsure if it was from the cold or the fear, I crouched down pulling my knees into my chest as the sky darkened into black and my surroundings become unknown.

Pathetically I whimpered, feeling the stinging at the back of my eyes again. My mind whirled – Suri, Jared, my mother – what would I do? I had no food, no shelter and no idea where the hell I was going. Where the hell I was. Anger, sorrow and regret, they filled me, swirling into the pit of my stomach to join the cold and painful fear.

I quickly fell asleep, the ferns acting as an environmental mattress, too overwhelmed with exhaustion to fight off the thick cloud of sleep.

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><p>I was either dreaming or falling – but the former made more sense, so a dense vivid dream it was. I spiraled downwards, surprisingly calm for someone who was falling to her death. Clouds whirled past me and I tried to touch them, but my hand merely passed through as though they were ghost clouds, not dream clouds. Ready to fall to the ground with a sickening crunch I closed my eyes but instead fell into warm arms.<p>

Jared. He cradled me as if I were so fragile, so dreamlike – as though he thought I would slip away if he didn't hold on tight enough. I gazed into his eyes, the longing in my heart increasing to an incredible rate. The dream faded into black.

Voices, murmuring, sobs. Why wouldn't they be quiet? I felt the warmth fade as I was placed onto a soft surface, I curled up in defeat and longing, quietly wanting the warmth back – hugging me close to it. The hair was slowly tucked behind my ear, and then the warmth entirely faded. It made me feel… lonely. I let the sleep win again as I fell back into unconsciousness.

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><p>Suddenly it was light, and I felt the beams tearing my eyes open, and I attempted to push it away but found myself in a tangle of blankets instead of ferns. I sat upright, eyes wide in surprise.<p>

"Oh Kim!" Someone cried before throwing his or her arms around me

I blinked, fleetingly startled before my senses poured back in me, "Mum?" I murmured

"Kimmy!" She half sobbed, half yelled into my shoulder, "I was so worried! You've never done anything like that and I was frantic and oh my baby I missed you, don't ever wander again! You know your sense of direction – absolutely hopeless!"

I resisted the urge to laugh. I loved my mum, but she was sometimes more of a kid than me. I did appreciate her motherly concern, as weird as it sounded muffled by my shoulder.

"Mum," I gasped, "I'm sorry. I had a fight with Suri and-and I was just so mad so, I don't know. I'm sorry."

She shook her head, "You were so lucky. It was at about midnight when that boy carried you into the house, you were asleep and boy I thought that- that-"

I blinked, "What? W-What boy?"

She looked thoughtful as she leaned back from me, "Very handsome-" I stifled a laugh thinking about my middle-aged mother, "Muscular boy, I think he mentioned his name was Jared I think. God I'm so indebted of him."

My blood ran cold. My heart fell to the floor. My mind stopped working. My eyes almost popped out of my skull. Jared. Jared, why was it always Jared? I gasped for air, but felt as though no amount would ever fill my lungs, I felt like I was drowning under the swirls of confusion and denial that pushed me under.

"J-Jared?" I managed to choke out, eyes still bursting out of their sockets

My mother was a very observant woman, so when I saw the knowing smile spread across her lips I almost cried out loud, knowing I should have kept my mouth shut, my eyes in their sockets.

"Yes," She said evenly but I could hear the mocking in her voice, "Do you know him?"

I leaned back into my pillow, into the comfort, "Er, God no. He just goes to my school. Honest."

"Is that why he wasn't wearing a shirt when he carried you across the threshold of my house?" She had her trademarked one-eyebrow-quirked look on her face. It made me nervous.

"Um, I was unconscious – how was I supposed to-"

She patted my head lovingly or condescendingly – I couldn't tell – before sighing and saying, "It's okay. I know you like him, a lot. I would give you the sex talk but I know you're a sensible girl."

I made a sort of squeaking sound, like a mouse that had been stepped on, "Mum-" I groaned hoarsely, "It's not like that. He doesn't like me like that, or, well he does but I don't understand a lot right now."

She nodded understandingly before standing up, "I get it Sweetie. I have to go; I have a doctor's appointment in about half an hour. You'll be okay here without me, won't you?"

I waved her away, "I'm fine, but are you?"

She gave me a crinkly smile, "Just a check up."

I couldn't help but fear that there was something hidden behind the smile and reassurance, something she was keeping to herself to protect me.


	7. Shy Eyes

_Author's Note: Don't mind me, just enjoying my weekend. And I've gotten a fair few reviews that mention Suri and physical violence and although I agree and ugh, as much as i hate defending her, she was just trying to be a good friend. But you know, failed miserably. Up, up and away my friends, you may read now._

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><p>She left the house eerily quiet in her absence.<p>

It was a weekend and despite feeling like I could sleep another five or ten hours, I was too shaken to let the tiredness consume me. I was wandering around the house aimlessly with nothing to do, no one to see. Calling Suri was defiantly out, I was still angry with her and she was most likely the equivalent in feeling.

What about… Jared?

It was a small suggestion that whispered in the back of my mind, but of course I heard it as if it were yelling. I shook my head fiercely, pushing it away. I couldn't, that would be humiliating and besides, I didn't know where he lived or his number. I gave a smug grin at that, happy that I had beaten off the suggestion.

But, I frowned now, how did he know where I was last night? It would be a one in a billion chance that he would discover me in the middle of a forest in the middle of the night. He couldn't have possibly stumbled along and found me by accident and then very calmly made his way out of the dense and confusing forest, carrying me all the way.

I sighed and slumped down onto my couch, an increasing habit these days, before putting on an old Disney film to keep my somewhat entertained for a few hours. It didn't work of course; I kept finding my mind drift back to Jared; silly and weird and savior. I shook my head.

I tried everything to keep my mind off him: homework - which lasted about five minutes - reading the newspaper – there was only so many times you could read about murders in Seattle. Sleeping, eating, reading, running. Nothing worked.

I was about to revisit my childhood by taking items out of my kitchen – like dip, milk, corn flakes, coffee and anchovies – and blending them together to make a "Concoction Milkshake," when there was a timid knock on the door.

I frowned, guessing the it probably wasn't Suri (she was probably still fuming) or mum (she had a key) so I hesitantly creaked the door open, hoping it wasn't a serial killer. But with wide eyes I realized that I was kind of close but it wasn't really a serial killer, just my average stalker.

"J-Jared?" I choked out, "Um, wh-why are you here?"

His eyes were frantic with worry as they scanned me up and down, "K-Kim? You're okay? Are you sure-" He lifted up my arms and inspected them, before doing the same with my hands and my face, his touch was gentle, "I didn't sleep at all – I just had to know that you would wake up!"

A shiver swept through him. I merely stared in shock and awe – he had saved me after all.

"Um," I frowned looking downwards, "Why don't you come in?"

I could see the light dancing through his eyes and entering every limb of his body. I had never seen him so exultant and excited.

"Yes!" He breathed, "Oh Bambi, you've finally invited me into your house!"

My cautiousness quickly transformed into a grimace, "Bambi?"

He ignored me, as he entered the house – the shabby, rundown house – his eyes never changed from excitement and childlike curiosity. "Wow, Bambi" He murmured, "It's so homey and warm."

I simply blushed at his obscure compliment.

I sank into the couch self consciously, "Jared," I began softly, 'I-I'm really sorry for the things Suri said yesterday. Although your interest is weird and, um, surprising, you shouldn't have been treated like that. I, er, I'm sorry. For her."

I wouldn't let my shy plain eyes drift over to him and his bubble of silence; I simply stared pointedly at my lap. And so quietly that I couldn't even hear him, he took two strides over and fell to his knees in front of me, an expression of delicate concern and wonder imprinted on his beautiful face. My heart twisted.

"Kimmy," He said, voice a temperate whisper, "Don't be sorry, it wasn't your fault. Don't be sad, why are you sad? Please, oh God please don't be sad."

My throat suddenly closed. Why was I trying so hard to keep Jared locked out, why were my walls being built higher and higher? The agony in his voice absolutely tore me apart – I had liked him for so long, why was I unable to open my heart to someone who loitered in my thoughts for so, so long?

A joke. A bet. A joke. A bet.

Hurt. Humiliation. Hurt. Humiliation.

An internal war strained against my insides, the fire it had caused roared through my body and kept my heart captive, like a prisoner. I didn't know what was right and what was wrong, to give in to the fire or fight it off? I simply remained a prisoner. That was all I could be.

"Kim?" The voice was even softer now, yet it had an edge of worry

I nodded, shuddering back into reality, "I'm fine. Right now I'm fine."

He looked torn between pressuring me to uncover my real feelings and dropping the subject to make me happy. In the end he gave a small resigned sigh and flopped next to me on the couch.

"You confuse me, Bambi."

I resisted the urge to laugh very loudly, "That's a bit, well… Ironic, don't you think?"

He bit his lip down to stop a smile, "I guess it is."

It felt weird but wonderful to have Jared so close to me, yet it felt too far away. I pressed my lips together and sat on my hands, I had a sudden impulse to reach out and touch him, just to make sure he wasn't a mirage buried in my very own desert of the longing.

"You should…" I peered up at him, "You should probably go Jared."

I saw the weakness, confusion, hurt and agony in his eyes as soon as the words escaped my lips. I wish I could grab ahold of them and shove them back in, I hated seeing him looking so dejected and pained. But he left without a word, although they were clear in his eyes.

Why do I have to speak?


	8. Shivering

_Author's Note: So, despite it being Summer, it didn't stop raining and thundering all day much to my pleasure. But when I got home I realized my internet had dropped out, which gave me time to write this - so thank you thunderstorm. Although I had to wait at the bus stop while it was pouring and while cars took pleasure in soaking me when they drove past. _

_I Need Fun In My Life - The Drums _

* * *

><p>Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday.<p>

I loathed Wednesdays, they're usually looked upon brightly, being close to the weekend and all, but they're not. It's the middle – like too close to Monday but not close enough to Saturday. On Monday my question on whether or not Suri was still seething was answered; she was. Suri moved seats in English and didn't look up once as she read her book on a deserted table far away from mine.

Jared hovered about a meter away from my table everyday for about a minute, looking torn between his friends or me. He chose his friends, but a nagging voice in the back of my mind told me that I wanted him to sit next to me – him and his incredible warmth.

Everyday I would come home to find mum already there, to my immense surprise. She worked hard, usually pushing herself with two or more jobs so she was never home until late. The nagging voice whispered again. About the doctor's appointment. The faraway look in her eyes.

The crying when she thought I was asleep.

My head urged me to say something but every time I opened my mouth my heart tore and I would simply stand there in the silence. She had been looking so sickeningly awful lately – she had become much too thin and I was beginning to notice bruises on her body, which made me question and speculate a secret abusive boyfriend. The idea was absurd.

Thursdays. Thursdays were better but then again, I didn't really like any day of the week.

I sat at my lone table once again, the worries and fears bubbling to the brim, when I noticed Jared out of the corner of my eye. He did his usual lingering but today I looked up and smiled at him, it was weak and fleeting, but a smile all the same. I needed someone to talk to.

His face positively light up in delight as he practically bounded over, stumbling a few times in the process.

"Kim!" He beamed as he sat across from me, legs pressed up against mine.

I blushed furiously, but didn't raise my eyes from the table. Whenever I looked at him I felt it hard to put a coherent sentence together.

His voice had softened when he spoke again, the words tangled with concern, "Kim, Bambi. Are you okay?"

His finger lifted my chin up so my wide eyes were peering into his pained ones. I felt myself get lightheaded, the world heavily spinning around Jared and I, trapped in our little bubble.

"Tell me what's wrong." He murmured quietly, not looking away

I gasped in a breath, realizing I had been holding it all this time, just to stop the tension from leaking into my body, "I-I, It's my mum. I think she's sick or-or has an abusive boyfriend or something."

He frowned looking absolutely distressed, "And this is making you sad."

It wasn't a question, but I nodded anyway, "I hear her crying at night."

"I'm sorry." He said, still in the quiet cautious tone yet this time it had a ring of sincerity to it

"It's probably my fault," I gushed feeling my eyes starting to sting, "She wouldn't have to work so h-hard if it wasn't for me. She's probably under s-so much stress because of the position I put her in!"

I placed my head facedown on the table so Jared wouldn't have to see my tears, tears of embarrassment and of worry. I felt a warm hand stroke my hair ever so tenderly; it sent chills racing up my spine.

"Don't say that," He urged, almost silently, "She loves you Kim. She has a choice not to work hard for you and her, but she does because she loves you and wants you to be happy. Oh God, Kim please be happy, please, I can't take it."

"Why would you have to take it?" I mumbled, still facedown

My question was met with a wave of uneasy silence that was broken by a voice that made me jump.

"Jared?" The voice sounded irritated, "What the hell are you doing sitting here with, ah, this girl?"

Cecilia. Jared's most recent, or current, I didn't know, thing.

"Oh," He sighed flatly and uninterestedly, "Cecilia, please could you leave us alone. And don't speak to Kim like that."

I raised my head, eyes wide with shock. I shrunk back like the coward I was when I saw Cecilia's livid face.

"Don't speak to me like that, Jared!"

"Cecilia, please." He pleaded half-heartedly, not taking his concerned gaze away from me

"Fine! Fine, fucking fine!" She growled before walking off, presumably to her next class

I blinked at him, awestruck, Cecilia was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen, no boy would ever give a girl like that up just so he could sit with a plain, forgettable loser with dull eyes and a lacking personality.

"Want me to walk you to your next class?" He said in the soft, delicate voice

I had to stop myself shivering under his intense look, "Yes. Yes, I'd like that."

* * *

><p>I pulled into the driveway, noticing my mother's car, once again, parked in the same place as it was this morning. I don't think she had even left the house today. I felt my heartbeat increase as I unfastened my seatbelt and almost flew out of the banged-up car, I need answers, and I need them now.<p>

I went to jam my keys in the door but I realized it was already open, something my mum never did. Leaving the house and us venerable, it wasn't like her.

When I saw my mother, I think my heart burst into a thousand pieces. The shards piercing my insides every time I moved, every time I breathed.

Her frail and sickly figure was hunched over a piece of paper and I could hear her raspy sobs from the entrance hall.

"Mum," I whispered before clearing my throat, "Mum?"

The sobs didn't stop erupting from her chest but she raised her head, a haunted expression twisting her features, "Kimmy."

"Mum," I whispered, "What's wrong."

Another sob came. Another tear fell.

"I have Leukemia."

* * *

><p><em>Author's Note: Sorry I had to do that, this story isn't entirely a happy one. Just to let you know, Kim's mum (yes, I'm Australian) has been looking pretty sick and thin for a couple of months, i'm just a really crap writer and forgot to mention this. <em>


	9. Rain

_Author's Note: I guess you could call this chapter bittersweet. _

_We Tried - The Drums_

* * *

><p>"I-I don't understand," I gasped, "How?"<p>

I watched my mother entwine and entangle her fingers together, but then pry them apart. I saw her eyes well up, her chest heave, her face crumple. I felt it too – her pain was my pain. Each sob was a punch in the chest, each tear was the crumpling of my heart.

"I had it when I was younger," Her voice started in a quick whisper, her secrets pouring out, "Due to mutations in my DNA, it's complicated really – nothing I can explain well. But I was treated and it went away, I thought- I thought. For a while. It's back, the doctor said I have Acute Leukemia, wh-which means that it's rapidly progressing."

My lips moved but no coherent words tumbled out, just my mere and faint whimpers. My mind whirled making me unable to see straight as it fell and thought and tripped over words – rapidly progressing. Rapidly. How much time did she have left? Weeks, months. Days?

At the thought my stomach flipped and I felt my lunch hurtling up my throat. I only just made it to the sink in time. I fell to her side, resting my head on the tiles, the tears pathetically oozing down my equally pathetic face.

"Mum,' I murmured into the cold tiles, "I love you."

I felt a hand on my hair, for a second time today, but it felt different. Sadder.

"I love you too, baby. I'm so sorry."

I shook my head, and it would have been furiously if I didn't feel so weak, "Don't be sorry, this couldn't possibly be your fault."

She was being silly, again. My silly, blissful, carefree mother – my only family, the only best friend I had truly and completely known. I felt a sharp excruciating jab in my heart as I thought of the possibility, the chance that she could be taken away from the earth and from my life. The tears ran harder as I gripped on the table for support, my mind for once being too much for me.

The words had lingered long enough on the tip of my tongue, I spat them out almost silently, "Is it treatable?"

She spoke slowly, weighing the words as they broke the silence, "Yes. Chemotherapy to start with."

"To start with?" I cried

She was shaking slightly, I hoped it was from the cold and not due to her frail condition, "Then, in remission, presuming the Chemo goes as planned, I'll still need what they call consolidation therapy, this involves a bone marrow transplant."

I shivered, "Mum, I'll do anything- If I'm a match I'll give you the bone marrow, please, I'd do anything-"

She gave me a forced laugh, trying to be the stronger one of us, before giving me a wobbly smile, "Honey, you don't have to. Don't do it if you don't-"

I shot her a glare, "Of course I'll do it. I'd do anything."

She gave me a sad look, "You might not even be a match," She said softly, "But I'll appreciate it all the same."

"Anything." I whispered wrapping my arms around her too thin figure, "I'd do anything mum, please."

"You are so strong," She whispered back in our secret embrace, something I didn't think I would share with anyone. It was a moment, just the two of us, mother and her daughter.

She tucked a stray clump of hair behind my ear, "If anything happens," She continued, still whispering, ignoring the agonized expression on my face, "You'll be fine baby, so strong and so smart. Don't ever let me hold you back, you will shine."

My face crumpled, my heart ached, the lump in my throat ached.

It was just the two of us and I would give anything in the entire world just for it to stay like that.

Her and I,

mother and daughter.

* * *

><p>Rain was predictable, rain was familiar. It splattered my clothing in the short walk from the school to my car, it made temporary patterns in the pavement, it created a rhythm on my roof. I could count on rain; it woke me up and sang me to sleep. Softly and slowly but today the sky swirled with gray. The rain was almost like a waterfall, soaking me to my core.<p>

Not letting up, I sat through my classes in a cloud of silence, watching the rainfall, my eyes drifting towards the window. La Push was so green, it was nice. Yet my out of character behavior made me feel as though something was slightly off. The memory of yesterday was still fresh in my mouth. The tears that had pathetically dribbled down my face, the vomit that had left my throat raw but my insides emptier than before. So, so empty.

I trail out to the student car park when the day is over, parka folded over my arm as I let the cold rain wake me up. The school was empty, I was too caught in my foolish daydreams to notice.

"Kim?" I hear, "Kim?"

And without even looking I know it's him. It always was. The ethereal voice filling me until I was whole, washing out any tension and penetrating my heart. The rain fell as I turned to face him, drowning the other Kim, the Kim struggling with her identity and feelings.

He took another step and I watched the rain cling to his eyelashes, "It's raining. Please don't catch a cold."

The concern and sincerity sent shivers through my soul, and I suddenly felt as though I grasped the reality of him, of me and of us. What we could be.

I continued to linger in my silence, staring at him feeling almost awestruck.

"Please," He murmured, about a meter away, "Kim I- I just need to tell you." He gulped in air through the rain. There were no other sounds but the rain and him.

"I love you Kim. I haven't always but I you've changed me, so much." I couldn't tell if it was the rain of the tears that streaked down his face, "I-It's like you're my heart, my lungs, my air. Kim, you're my everything now, I would even give up life just so you could live. I love you. Always."

The Skinny Love was broken. The love, in which both of us were too shy, too cautious to admit to, was broken.

And then it was my turn. I took two steps and closed the gap between us, between our hearts. With two hands cupping his face I pressed my lips against his and found myself falling and spinning and living. His lips were warm despite the cold that hung in the air, and soft, so tender but urgent against my own – I felt myself unfolding.

Our bodies created a wall of warmth as I pressed myself against him, his hand now in my hair, the other on my face. I felt dizzy as the rain trailed down off his face onto mine but then realized that there was a chance it wasn't rain. His relief, his love and his hope swirling down my face, triggering my own tears.

Tears of pure and wholehearted joy, yet at the same time, utter devastation.

I felt sick at myself, my mum, my only family, had Leukemia and here I was acting as though there wasn't anything wrong. My stomach churned with longing as I pulled away, not meeting his eyes.

"Leukemia," I choked out in a whisper, "My mum has Leukemia."

He held me while I sobbed into his chest.

He was so warm so why did I feel so cold?

* * *

><p><em>Author's<em> _Note: So yeah, sad but relieving. I'm trying to do as much research on Leukemia as possible just so I get everything right, but if anyone notices something wrong, feel free to point it out. _

_Also, i'm not sure if many of you have seen but I've got a new story out - a Seth/OC imprint story with a twist i guess. The girl is blind and so far it's gotten some positive and encouraging feedback. Feel free to go have a look see. ;)_


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